And Its effect on Neural Chemicals to Induce States of Euphoria or Confusion

Abstract:
A light-hearted look at the overwhelming sense of having too many books makes one feel good and bad at the same time.

I believe it was Umberto Eco that Nicholas Basbanes (A Gentle Madness: Bibliophiles, Bibliomanes, and the Eternal Passion for Books) had related a story about how many books Eco had in his house. It was some large number, probably requiring the use of scientific notation to save space when typing it out, to the point it made the floors in Eco’s house in Italy sag under their weight. Other collectors have purchased new houses to move into because their collections have taken up all available space in their homes. Some collectors donate their collections to institutes of learning just so they can have the space to store all their books and continue collecting.

In a collector this feeling is euphoric. So many books. Just yard upon yard of books. Piles in the corner of every room. No matter where you are in your house there is a book within arms reach. And not just to read. To feel. To tough, to look at; to contemplate. For you see collectors end up purchasing enough books that they will never end up reading them all in their lifetime. I am at that point.

And I feel damn good about it too.

It gives you this sense of all the knowledge and stories that surround you in your study as you gaze over the shelves of books across the room. You may never accumulate all of that knowledge or for the matter know all the stories that sit there, spine out, on the shelves. But the potential is there. And you have access to that potential when ever you feel inclined to reach out and read. But more than likely you won’t. No matter how fast I read I will never read all my books I have just in my house. Let alone those in storage. Last year I read about 80 books. This year I’m slowing down a little because of various reasons so 80 is looking like a high gal to reach this year. I know I will purchase at least that many books if not more. So I’m in the hole no matter what.

But I don’t mind. I like the fact that I am surrounded by all these wonderful books. Old, new, leather bound, limited, signed, paperback, hardcover, chapbooks, reprints, first editions. It is very euphoric actually. But there is a downside.

Have you ever had that feeling of indecision. Usually it hits most people, including me, at the open fridge door. You have an idea of what you want to eat or drink but your mind is paralyzed when that door swings open. It is akin to complete information overload. So many things to see and you balk at making a decision. So you close the door, collect yourself and your thoughts and open again. Usually by then you do one of three things: You get paralyzed again and close the door only to open it again, you grab the bottle of Snapple, or you close the door and say to yourself “I probably don’t really want anything anyway”.

It happens to me when it is time to pick up another book. I know what I want to read. But the sheer amount of volumes to look at releases chemicals in my brain that makes me stop. And I stand there paralyzed. I can’t decide which book to pick up and read. Unlike that bottle of Snapple you just picked out a book takes time to read and enjoy. Some more than others. So the decision to pick up a certain book has variables weighing against and for it. This is the bad thing about having more books than you can possibly read.

It happened just the other day before I picked up King Rat to read. I stood there in my study just staring at the shelves. Not moving. Not even thinking. It was late, about 10:30 at night and the only thing that broke me from my semi-transitive state was my wife asking me what i Was doing. I replied “Looking for a book, of course.” Which wasn’t completely true because I wasn’t. Well I was but it was a fruitless search since my brain had conspired against me and released some new chemical that made me tip books forward then slide them back. Then repeat. Repeat several times.

There was no stopping this loop. I think I stood there for about 15 minutes until I finally grabbed a new box from Clarkesworld and when through that three times before settling on King Rat. Which meant I picked up 10 other books in that books three times before finally taking King Rat to bed to read.

And the funny thing is, though it feels like I’m not in control when this happens and gets frustrating, in the back of my mind I’m telling myself that “Hey idiot! Look at all the books! Just grab one and read it already! Then repeat the action of grabbing a new one when you’re done with it!” Which never works anyway so this will occur again and again.

Oh and choosing King Rat doesn’t end the choice. As you can see in my Currently Reading page I have several books I’m reading. Yeah it happens time and again even though I might not be finished with a particular book.

The sad thing is in about a week I have to go through it again because I’m almost done with all those selections on the Currently Reading Page.

Maybe I’ll make myself a sandwich and get a chair when that day comes.